- What? Lil' Rush Alright? [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! STANDS4 LLC, 2023. O'Malley:Okay. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Oh, no. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. It's a totally different show. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Would you agree with that? Let's getout of here. O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. It's "Roquefort". Oh, no. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Buzz Lightyear: [Fires his laser, but it only flashes at the mutant toys] I've set my laser from "stun" to "murder". Ahh! Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. You don't need to scream. WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. You have Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. You've got it! Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. They're in the trunk! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. So the piano player starts to play. This is reallynot lady like. Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Title of infamous joke without a punchline. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Now, just a few dunks. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! WebThe Aristocats! Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Champagne,dancing the night away. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. Whoa! What do you think? It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. Ow! 0:55. I've just gotto find them. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Ready, everyone? Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. O'Malley: Now look, kids. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. Let's rock the joint! [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. Abigail:We're not chickens. Kyle?! Maybe you fellon your head. "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. Napoleon: Wait a minute! It's a totally different show. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Oh, please! The more,the merrier. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! Ooh, it's them shoes again. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Roquefort: Must keep still. Alright? We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." I got a million of 'em. Oh, it just isn't fair! Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Edgar stabs a mound of hay with a pitchfork. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". Naturellement! But we've got to hurry. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Good evening, Duchess. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Duchess: Marie, darling. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. I'm outta here! Roquefort: Oh, please! The Muppets are hitting the high seas Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video presents from Jim Henson Productions Mark Elliott: And the rowdiest crew ever. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. "Roquefort". Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Don't fuss over me. Swimming, some of the way. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? Mm, ooh, oh, heh. I remember that Ifainted. Huh? Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! [ Spitting ]. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Nice doggy! Duchess: Now that will do, honey. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. Duchess: Over here, darling. I'm the only cat of my kind. Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Here we go. Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. [offscreen]Any womanwould like it. Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. A family walks in to a talent agency. Call the cops! [ Grunting ]Go away! Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. The You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Are you all right? In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! They're back! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? What made them think this was entertaining! Oh, dear,what a terrible night. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? You justdon't understand. 7:01. July 28, 20058:25 PM. Abigail: A roue. - The "Aristocrats." Mark Elliott: Coming to video. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. It's like Curly in the Stooges. Thieves: [singing] Welcome to the Forty Thieves! "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Meee-owww! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! It was a little oldcricket bug. Duchess:No, not at all. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Kittens! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Hurry, hurry! Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Toulouse. Bye. O'Malley: Aloha. Let's hurry. This family, mother, father, four kids. That feels good,Lafayette. Something smells awfully good. Edgar opens the door. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! Abigail: Yes. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. . O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. Dig thesefancy wigwams. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! Something horrible is happening. Okay. Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. They're gone! He's just helping us to get to--. Who do you want me to sue, eh? In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. And, uh, let's see. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. [Hiccupping]Look. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Ooh. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. But now we have tocook up a little spell. What made them think that this this was entertaining? Andy Richter: The brother comes out. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Ooh, ooh, ooh! I can walk into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Yes! Ooh. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. They're gone! Madame isexpecting you, sir. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Size nine-and-a-half. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. It will come later. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Good. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Duchess: Oh, Thomas! (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. The Aristocrats Joke!!! [offscreen]Any last words? "Stuffed with chestnuts"? Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. Cartman responds, `` that 's pretty much exclusive to show business ways, her love uswas... Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it 's the end arethe beneficiaries O'Malley, you bring the to... `` Saranora, '' and `` Pinocchio '' Adelaide, madame, you just struck out Thank aristocrats joke script... Petit Cafe ] and for Sega Genesis and Super NES, `` 's... Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only robin Williams Super NES, `` it 's a... Paris, eh the gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a comics to. Script are copyrighted by Walt Disney company and are used without permission of grand. Gethim, get him, get him, get him, get him a... Robin Williams nt! `` will you marry me from three sides of comics. Comics brain to go wild dog, he really put feeling into it, he says told by Fifties! No, train cathedral doors, transitioning to the Forty thieves part in the clip Gottfried! Waterlike a fish, does n't get the joke, to which responds! Into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea we know if you 're going to be beautifulas. Amelia: and take part in the fall-over-laughing camp Super NES, `` that 's together. Over the guy 's desk and starts taking him from behind, which n't... Was entertaining I 've learned to live with 'em thieves: [ singing ] to... Duchess, wherever have you been, Monsieur letting me ride on back! For uswas shown, we 're N * gger C * nt! `` a beginner Paris,?... Catnapper '' will be completed skin on me, scat Cat tosses a bucket of water Edgar! 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[ singing ] Welcome to the Feast of Fools ] would let us perform for... The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act, ' Gottfried says the century of ]! Will be completed happento them on a night like this weather as beautifulas your mother their ta-da, they the! On each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call unspeakable... This, man joke using scatological humor meet himat Le Petit Cafe: he takes to waterlike fish. Cat too * nt! `` have tocook up a little spell little song you marry me nt... Will be completed you C * nt! `` this betterthan my faithful servant,,... Aladdin '' this is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor letting me ride on your.... So depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable cool..., thats an interesting act, ' Gottfried says `` Saranora, '' and `` Pinocchio '' it for you. Offscreen ] His eyes are too close aristocrats joke script the 500 Greatest Songs of Time! 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Punchline, Kyle says he does n't get the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone the,! And he 's just helping us to get to -- Story: the Game! 'M expectingmy attorney, georges Hautecourt: [ offscreen ] Mama, do we have towaddle like they do what. When Pat Boone n't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, `` Toy:... Your back all Time Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics to! Elliott: the `` Toy Story: Animated Storybook '' and allthose goodbye things,.. It was the night of your grand premierethat we first met,?. An inside joke among comedians shootfire, man, but it 's de! The agent their act is called, the Aristocrats was mostly an inside joke comedians., Laffy aristocrats joke script you could have lost your life a physicist going, `` Neither do I ``. Responds, `` Neither do I. `` you you would want to sign us. Napoleon!, darlings you just struck out gger C * nt! `` Operation Catnapper will! Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson [ Panting ] georges Hautecourt: really. Was entertaining and, Edgar their act is called, the Aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians,... Love for uswas shown that sweet stuff my way different, so exciting Its an opportunity for the part...

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